Posts Tagged ‘FAMOUS MONSTERS’
6 items.
Stop Calling In The Middle of the Night!
Mr. Clown is a very busy serial-killer lesson clown. Some days he starts work as early as four a.m. and will work until one or two a.m. the next morning. So when he finally gets to lay down and sleep after a long and hectic day of punishing bad children who misbehave, don’t follow the rules, or are complete d-bags, it is a great relief. However, sometimes just as he gets to sleep and is just about to start dreaming happy serial-killer lesson clown dreams, the phone will ring and wake him up! That’s not nice! Mr. Clown realizes that there are some times when a late night call is unavoidable, such as during an emergency or a family medical situation or even when a loved one dies. However, too many times those late night phone calls are not in any way an emergency. For instance, often after having too many margaritas at the club, Mr. Clown’s ex-girlfriend Gertie Clowntoes will call and want to discuss why their relationship failed. Not cool Gertie! Not at all! However, the worst offender of all Mr. Clown’s late-night phone callers is the evil elder god Cthulhu who was imprisoned a millennium (or so) ago in an under-water city in the South Pacific. Since getting a cell phone, Cthulhu has made it his business to try and get people to answer his call–and come to the South Pacific to release him from his prison so he can once more rule the world through pain, misery, blood, and fear. Mr. Clown often takes the call of Cthulhu, but quickly realizes that it’s just that crazy old octopus-face calling to ramble on and on about how awesome his rule will be. This has been going on for months, and this night Mr. Clown has had enough. Chartering a boat and packing his favorite machete, he is heading toward the South Pacific to pay Cthulhu a visit. Mr. Clown is very much looking forward to this visit, because when it’s done he’ll finally get a good night’s sleep and he will have so much octopus in the freezer he’ll never have to buy it again.
Mr. Clown: Stop Calling In The Middle of the Night! © 2012 City of Troy Productions
Comment
Don’t Use Wire-Hangers!
It was just an average Mother’s Day with the family, when Mr. Clown heard something up in his bedroom. Going upstairs, he found something that was simply awful… Mommie Dearest was going through his closet! And she was tearing his clown suits off the wire hangers, while screaming, “NO MORE WIRE-HANGERS!” Mr. Clown did not know that wire hangers can ruin the shape of clothing. Nor did he really care. He has to replace his suits regularly, because blood stains rarely come out. There are some things boys and girls that terrify even Mr. Clown. So, on this Mother’s Day, prevent Mommie Dearest from teaching you a painful lesson, and avoid wire-hangers at all costs.
Mr. Clown: Don’t Use Wire-Hangers © 2012 City of Troy Productions
Don’t Rampage Through The CityJapanese Super-Lizard
It never fails. Every Spring, just as the town of Green River begins to turn bright and green, with flowers blooming and trees filling with vibrant leaves, the Japanese Super-Lizard arises from his home in the volcano in the middle of the lake just outside of town. And every year, Japanese Super-Lizard rampages down Main Street, taking out buildings and businesses left and right! That’s not very nice Japanese Super-Lizard! While Mr. Clown understands that since the nuclear testing that created Japanese Super-Lizard did not expand his brain along with his size, Mr. Clown is tired of everyone having to pitch in and rebuild every year. Enough is enough Japanese Super-Lizard!
Mr. Clown: Don’t Rampage Through The City Japanese Super-Lizard © 2012 City of Troy Productions
Bad Werewolf!
For the past few months on the night of the full moon someone has been terrorizing the woods outside of Green River! Cats and other small pets have gone missing. A girl scout disappeared on a camping trip last month on the same night all of Farmer Ted’s chickens were snatched in the night. And, someone keeps digging up Mr. Clown’s flower-beds! Since it’s only on the full moon, that can only mean one thing—WEREWOLF! So, Mr. Clown has grabbed his trusty silver machete from the basement and is going into the woods to teach that bad werewolf a thing or two!
Mr. Clown: Bad Werewolf© 2012 City of Troy Productions
Don’t Rampage Through The Village
Green River is generally a peaceful little town. There is never much going on, except the disobedience and surly manner of some of the children. However, just outside town at Castle Frankenstein, the brilliant yet mad Dr. Frankenstein is always making men out of corpses and putting damaged brains in their heads. Then the good Dr.’s monsters go on a rampage through Green River, tearing up stuff, killing people, smashing windows, stepping on flowers, getting into garbage, and eating pies off window sills. It has happened so many times the people of Green River have quite nearly become jaded. However, this time the good Dr.’s monster stepped on Mr. Clown’s prize-winning roses—crushing them and the trellis they were on while accidentally strangling the little girl who lived next door. As far as the neighbor girl… that was no big loss. Mr. Clown was going to have to pay her a visit eventually anyway due to her snotty attitude. But those roses… that is something else entirely. So Mr. Clown has gotten his trusty machete and is heading up to that castle to show Dr. Frankenstein’s Monster once and for all that he can’t just rampage through town…
Mr. Clown: Don’t Rampage Through The Village © 2012 City of Troy Productions
Don’t Be A Bloodsucker
Recently Count Dracula has moved to the tiny town of Green River. And it has come to Mr. Clown’s attention that several little children have been drained of every drop of blood and died. And, these were not bad children—they were good children. That is not OK. You can’t just go around and sucking people’s blood, no matter if they think vampires are awesome thanks to the “Dusk” series of books and movies where vampires sparkle and shine like diamonds in the sunlight. Real vampires have started taking advantage of the children’s stupid and misguided love of vampires resulting from “Dusk” and have been draining them clean. So, Mr. Clown has gotten a wooden stake and is going to show Dracula that it’s not OK to prey on good little children in his town.
Mr. Clown: Don’t Be A Bloodsucker © 2012 City of Troy Productions
